Its been too long!

Since I've updated! Haha! Life has been a little too busy for me to bear, but now that its slowing down a little more I thought I'd update this blog. 


Personally, right here, right now. I feel kinda empty on the inside. Honestly.


Happiness is always someone seeks for, but at the same time fear. And I've always been the one who would complain and I've always been the one who had something to be worried about at home, always the one that is Unhappy about something. But 5 months ago, or somewhere along that time line. Something changed. I had a lecturer told me once, when I had asked him in a joking manner 


"What type of person do you think I am then?"


He replied with a small smile.


"A person that needs to be loved, and a person who wants someone to love."


Honestly when he said that, I was stuck silent. Never in my life has someone said something like that to me. I've always been one who would appear so friendly, so nice, so hyper. But at the same time, distant and unreachable.   I never thought I could find someone who could understand me. But I guess the many years of teaching and knowing people, my lecturer had a knack of hitting head of the nail well. In fact, I've never thought of myself as that kind of person. But somehow it made sense. In a weird way. The few who really know my personally, and who I really am. I can say would be what? 3-5 people? 


But I'm digressing, I was happy, very happy. Because I had finally found someone who understood me inside out, and loved me despite my flaws and someone that I liked to boot too. But he was leaving, we both knew that he was leaving. But we didn't care, it may seem naive. But I wanted to be with him, simple as that.As happy as I was with him. I knew it was a ticking bomb, and it finally exploded.


His away now, in England, studying. Whilst I'm stuck here, and it hurts like hell. It hurts so bad that I can't see him whenever I want, and I can't get a hug when I need one. I know I've always been one who thought I could keep a LDR, but damn this sucks. It sucks so bad that Suck isn't even a word I can use to describe how much it sucks. But either ways I'm just gonna have to deal with it. 


Might be getting a black berry soon! Gotta convince the Queen to let me have one, tried once and it failed, but shall not give up. I WANT MY BB!