A killer is never born, always made

No one is ever born mean, sarcastic, bitchy, evil, cruel, kind, loving, patient, tolerant, quiet, shy.


We are what society makes us. What the people do and think around us. We as children were never born with the ability to be who we are now. We pick up, and we learn. We make mistakes, we pay for them, we suffer and we grow. Some people have the ability to pick things up easier, faster. Some people learn from making mistakes, from feeling pain, some people are just dull and ignorant. 


Honestly to god, I was picked on when I was a kid. In elementary school. I remembered being so naive and well soft spoken. But I had a keen memory see, I could basically remember everything cruel that was done to me, and I've always kept it inside me. Maybe thats why I find it so hard to forgive people. People say that the most innocent tend to wound the worst. Well I'm far from innocent now, but I'd imagine that I was when I was younger. But anyways.


Life is cruel, really. It doesn't give you a break, no matter how much you want it to. Sure maybe in the small occasion it cuts you some slack. But most of the time it just bitch slaps you around for the kicks. When you get kicked down enough, you start learning to fight back, you start growing harder skin and stop crying on the floor hoping someone would come and save you. You start becoming someone who takes no shit. People call you aggressive, they call you too strong willed, too hard on people. But when you've taken so much shit, you really can't be arsed to take more. 


As time goes on, you learn balance, learn to let the small things go, start to learn to trust a little. Experience will then teach you that you actually have to deal with people that will screw you over time and time again, but to be likable and accepted you have to deal with it. Life is confusing.


I was never born as the person I was today, I was made into who I am. Life has put me through some shit, and its not done with me yet. I'm just not sure how am I gonna take it in stride and not fall on my ass more. So to you readers that had yourself misunderstood and mistaken. Cheers to you.


Lets all try to get through life without screwing up too much, or hurting too many people.

I.....

Have certainly changed alot in this pass few years! :D

Coffee

I'd thought I'd be able to quit drinking coffee after 3 whole months of not drinking a single cup.

Alas, as soon as one of my co-worker in office drank a cup of Nescafe next to me this morning, my resistant towards coffee crumbled within seconds.

Thus, this is how I ended up sipping my fifth cup of coffee while typing this blog entry (￣－￣).


- Bucket

Its been too long!

Since I've updated! Haha! Life has been a little too busy for me to bear, but now that its slowing down a little more I thought I'd update this blog. 


Personally, right here, right now. I feel kinda empty on the inside. Honestly.


Happiness is always someone seeks for, but at the same time fear. And I've always been the one who would complain and I've always been the one who had something to be worried about at home, always the one that is Unhappy about something. But 5 months ago, or somewhere along that time line. Something changed. I had a lecturer told me once, when I had asked him in a joking manner 


"What type of person do you think I am then?"


He replied with a small smile.


"A person that needs to be loved, and a person who wants someone to love."


Honestly when he said that, I was stuck silent. Never in my life has someone said something like that to me. I've always been one who would appear so friendly, so nice, so hyper. But at the same time, distant and unreachable.   I never thought I could find someone who could understand me. But I guess the many years of teaching and knowing people, my lecturer had a knack of hitting head of the nail well. In fact, I've never thought of myself as that kind of person. But somehow it made sense. In a weird way. The few who really know my personally, and who I really am. I can say would be what? 3-5 people? 


But I'm digressing, I was happy, very happy. Because I had finally found someone who understood me inside out, and loved me despite my flaws and someone that I liked to boot too. But he was leaving, we both knew that he was leaving. But we didn't care, it may seem naive. But I wanted to be with him, simple as that.As happy as I was with him. I knew it was a ticking bomb, and it finally exploded.


His away now, in England, studying. Whilst I'm stuck here, and it hurts like hell. It hurts so bad that I can't see him whenever I want, and I can't get a hug when I need one. I know I've always been one who thought I could keep a LDR, but damn this sucks. It sucks so bad that Suck isn't even a word I can use to describe how much it sucks. But either ways I'm just gonna have to deal with it. 


Might be getting a black berry soon! Gotta convince the Queen to let me have one, tried once and it failed, but shall not give up. I WANT MY BB!

Joke of the Day

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of red, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.

Some hours later Holmes woke up, nudged his faithful friend and said, "Watson, I want you to look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars." Sherlock said, "And what does that tell you?"

After a minute or so of pondering Watson said, "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Metereologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day today. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for about 30 seconds and said, "Watson, you idiot! Someone has stolen our tent!"

- Bucket

Blog Update ಠ_ಠ

Oh My God this blog has been forgotten! ಠ_ಠ

I'ma update this blog then!

.

..

...

ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ

Random/Useless update. I just want to keep this blog alive at least. ಠ_ಠ

- Bucket

Tides

Been awhile since I've updated, been kinda lazy to too. But life has been bittersweet to me now. Its come to those days where you really sit down for awhile and think about your life. I've lost one of my closest friends, whose flown away back to her home town (Yes thats you bucket!) and I miss her company dearly. We cried at central when I was sending her off, though I didn't have time to say everything that was on my mind then. A hug was enough for us both then. Liz we're such babies aren't we? We didn't allow each other to cry in front of one an other.


On the other hand, I've been making lots of new friends in the past month, and gradually getting closer to them all, and I've come to appreciate all of their companies and quirks, they make me happier then I've been in awhile.


College has been wonderful so far too! I'm so exited to go into my new course, and doing something thats actually interesting and that allows me to have a real experience, got a bunch of awesome new course mates too, their all a funny bunch, and we share loads of laughter with one and other. Its so cool :D! Lecturers are all great... so far. Since starting in Taylors. And of course :)


You. Yea you. If your reading this you know who you are. Hi there :). I know right now we don't have much time for each other. But I've never been happier, and its all thanks to you. I'd say more, but then I won't be dodgy anymore. Looking forward to lazing around and being bored with you more :).


Though on the more bitter edge, I seem to be drifting away from a Sarah, I don't even know if she reads my blog now, but it feels as though she'd much prefer to hang with Zarra now more then me, and that we can't seem to relate some things to one and other anymore. Got into a small argument with her, but haven't really spoken to her since. Don't really think its right for me to do so somehow. Its odd to me because everytime I seem to call her out now adays, she's always busy. But somehow or rather she'd always have time for Munz and Z.


I guess life can't be all sweet and roses, I wonder where's this gonna bring me :). 

The Little things in life

Are Fucking Irritating and Itchy Ok?











Hi. I got 44 bed bug bites. Shit it was damn itchy. I was scratching the whole night, and woke up with this shit all ove my body. :( Not love bites leh. BUG BITES AUUUARGH





Sarah Laughing at me? BITCHHHH! No la :D she was over before we were about to head out.


But anyways, back to the bug bites. Kay so like everyone knows I'm a freaking untidy person, and I think it finally came back and bit me in the ass. Or my whole body. I am damn happy my face didn't kena. But still omg after I got the bug bites I instantly raged and cleaned my WHOLE room. Aired and opened the curtains and let the sun light in, and sleep on the couch. Nabeh omg Let those bugs DIE from the sunlight la.


Nother random notion. Been arguing with older brother in the morning like every once in 3 days wei -_- always argue about who gonna fetch monster to school. Seriously its so childish and damn funny when I think of it now. One particular one was when I told monster to wake don don ( monster knocked on my door first) and he shuffled into my room going "SAB UR TURN TO FETCH HIM I FETCH FOR THE PAST FEW MORNINGS ALREADY" and me retorting "IM TIRED/HEADACHE BLALBLALBLA" and somehow it ending with a bitch argument. Anyways I can't remember the details because it all happened when I was half asleep, but I remembered being so pissed at him that I turned on Don's light 2 times when I was going out to fetch monster to school, and seeing his beh song face cock staring at me :D lol.


Anyways (: lookie.





Can guess where this is :D?





Guess what this is! :D
















Spontanous trip to the beach at midnightttttt 8D As you've all known I've not been to the beach in Ages! And it was soo super fun to go finally and breathe in the ocean air and wiggle my toes on the sand 


We got lost like 3 times. (: Super fun stuff la!


Anyways I'm lazy to blog already la. Come back soon to read more :D hah! leave you hanging and all.


Oh and.





Mommy Car kena bang :( good thing she wasn't hurt. have to replace whole bumper omggg moneeyyy laaa

Random Gag of the Week #5: Epic Eyebrows

Today's random gag: Epic Eyebrows.

- Bucket

Lots of stuff ;D

I haven't been updating cause I've been too lazy too. xD same ol same ol things happening though, got accepted in Taylors! gonna start college once more at the 21st, can't wait can't wait! 


Either ways been going out almost everyday, doing different and same random things. Yumcha with peoplez, Dad's birthday! and some other stuff...


Can't really remember everything since everythings kinda similar in the dating system and events either ways.


Erin and myself hiding in mah room during dad's birthday. There were too many adults downstairs, it was just too awkward.





But we all eventually went down for daddy to blow out his candles





Me and dad have the same button nose :D Little monster kelefeh in this picture. BAHH





Erin Camwhoring with my cam

















Large group shot! All of dad's old colleagues and friends! It was nice to see all of them in a long time. I personally haven't seen some of them in years xD its so funny to see them shocked at us kids growing up.
Mom was making a gag of dad since he said OI WHY NO PRESENT, and she pointed to the 3 of us and sarcastically remarked THOSE ARE YOUR 3 Presents *children*


Sides Bday didn't really take much pictures, went out with Kenneth and Liz to her college for her final year project :D Bucket and Kenpachi got along pretty well. We had lunch together and were bullshitting a whole lot more. Was nice seeing the 2 get along.


Stupid small boy is taller then me, don't mistake my cheerful smile in this picture, I actually wanted to KILL him.





Happier here cause we were gonna get food :D





Bucket trying to Act Cool and dodging the camera. She is a cam whore, she just don't admit HAIZZ





































I am not cam whore la~ *waves her hand*







BULLSHIT!


Anyways In the later days. Went out with Fatty Matty to have fatty pizza cause he was so proud of himself for cycling to port dickson in the morning while I was enjoying sleeping at home. O and I cut my hair too. Its not so fucking short I want to die. 5 inches got knocked off cause I was scared I was gonna lose all my hair from over shedding and eventually end up like a bald monk. Its now in the inbetween stage of not long not short FUCKKK!


Anyways back to lunch at 3something. Went to MV with fatty and was crapping alot. Realized that fatty and I had alot in common. We were actually trying to find things that we didn't have in common LOL. Went to yumcha with sarah with fatty and eventually went to get car washed at a place he introduced to me. But my nikes almost got stolen =_=


Nikes were in the car for awhile cause I've been too lazy to take em out since the day I went playing basketball with Twig. So while Fatty and myself had to get outta the car while them indians vacuum the inside, my shoes were taken out. And I blissfully paid the indians and drove off without them! WTF good thing I checked when I was on the way home -__- dunno whether they really wanted to take my shoes or really accident. Knn if I leave there they extra happy la! 300 dollar nikes for them.  


After I thought I almost lost my camera. Which was like omgwtfbbq, but apparently fatty placed it in my cars backseat so it was cool ;D.


Bah Andrew just sent me a noob link.


http://www.nataliedee.com/102505/did-you-know.jpg


Anyways Lazy to blog more.. Toodles till next time <3